How much of my waking time do i spend thinking about my sleeping time? Maybe too much.
I was just watched a trailer for a movie and I cried, declaring, “That commercial just made me cry. This is unreasonable, I didn’t get enough sleep last night.”
And I didn’t really get very much sleep last night. I was in bed for an appropriate amount of hours, but I wrestled all night with a very revealing issues. I kept having dreams that I lost something. And that woke me up, because I was SO upset over having lost it. I mean, almost crying upset. And every time I fell back asleep, it happened again! And all night I kept thinking, “Why would I be so upset if I lost this? What does that mean.”
I’m pretty sure I can tell you what it means: it means I am too attached to it. This was not something that, if lost, I should turn to God and be angered, betrayed. In fact, I don’t know that anything of that nature exists, since God is not one to break His promises. Sometimes I think He is, though. I am wounded when things don’t go as I think they should, or thought they would, and wounded, I turn my eyes away from the heavens and hold myself tight, foolishly thinking I am the only one doing so. But truthfully, God’s promises are not that things will go the way I want or see fit, but that each event that comes to pass will be for my good, (Romans 8:28) and His glory (most of the Bible), will never be punishment but discipline (Heb 12:6 NASB), if necessary(1 Peter 1:6), and he will always be with me, through it all (Matt 28:20, Josh 1:5, Hebrews 13:5). So why, even if I was sleeping, was I so upset about the darn thing? Because in waking, I’ve kept myself at bay, not relenting to the fact that my sin has manifested in attachments far greater than those to which I’ve been called. I have not guarded my heart against a love of creation, rather than love of the creator.
I mean, it was some seriously productive bad sleep. This morning I am truly grateful for bad dreams, God’s Holy Spirit lending discernment, the sunshine, the Bible, and sweet spiritual sister J’s near- tyrannical ;) concern for me.