Too Funny to Not Share

despite how embarrassing/awkward it is.

My parents have NEVER in my life ever mentioned “grandchildren.” My mom doesn’t like anything resembling something that might make her seem old. I wasn’t allowed to call her ‘momma’ as a small child becuase that is what old mothers were called, I could call her ‘mom’ or ‘mommy.’  My dad was too concerned that, since I was single and unconcerned, I must be gay. No joke, he asks me- every time I’m there. Usually conversations go like this:

“You have a boyfriend?”
“No, Daddy.”
“You ain’t like that comedienne from TV last night, are ya?”
“Mexican?!”
“Naw… with a girlfriend.”
(smart-alec response) “Uhm, I have two, they’re in the bedroom right now. One is pregnant, which I didn’t do, and the other has a boyfriend, though.” (Joy and Kerri had come with me to Tennessee that time)
“Now that ain’t what I meant and you know it.”
“Yes Daddy, I’m sorry. I like boys. No, I like men. That good enough?”
“Well not if you don’t do anything about it.”

So tonight we’re on the phone and a friend comes up and the conversation goes:

“Your boyfriend?”
“No, Daddy, my friend.”
“You hinted on the phone that he was your boyfriend.”
“No, just that he likes me.”
“Well….”
“Daddy, someone doesn’t just become your boyfriend. You have to …. at least go on a few dates.”
“And you haven’t?”
“No sir, no yet.*”
“Are you excited?”
“Yes sir.”
“Then you like him! Ha!”
“Daddy, I know I like him. But maybe I just like him because I don’t yet know that he smells bad or is mean to his momma (NOT actual concerns).”
“Well, no, you’re on the right path…

and here comes the piece de resistance

“I may just get a grandson yet.”

“DID YOU JUST SAY THAT?!”
“Well….”

Apparently, on his birthday Daddy gets a little frisky with conversations. I told him he had to live long enough (see post I Have to go See My Dad) and he said he’d try.  Although, I do feel a little more adult now that one of my parents has made the joke.

Just to be clear, I have no babies or boyfriends or any semblance of  plans for either.  Except for Brooklyn, Shanna’s baby, who i may steal BECAUSE SHE IS SO CUTE.

a woman who loves cheese is a woman after my own heart

*I can’t explain that part right now. But when i can it will be just as funny and complicated as the rest of my life.

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