Recap and Authenticity

If this week was a chapter in a book, it would be titled, “I Didn’t See That Coming,” And critics would say you can’t put that many plot twists in at one time, or you’re going to confused people. Which also explains my reaction, a stolen quote from a dear mentor, “I’m a little confused, but I know God is in this.” Let me ‘splain.

Sunday, I got into a fight with C at the mall while we were out with 10 of our friends. So… Bruce didn’t get taken to the car Dr. That night we decided to take a little time so C could figure out for sure what he wanted. I said I thought he had two options, “Either date me and act like you’re dating me, or don’t date me, and act like you aren’t. But I can’t walk away from where God has called me.” Then I got home to a less than pleasant email, but my mom was waiting in the doorway. “I just missed you, baby. I love you.”

Monday night, C came over and told me he couldn’t date me anymore. We’ve not talked since. We were in the same room once, and God mightly kept me, it wasn’t too hard, but as soon as he left I felt it, and broke down.

Tuesday morning, I find out that my cousin is having surgery in Houston Wednesday morning. My Uncle says “I wish you’d be here, sweetie.”

Tuesday night I go to the 16th birtday party of my sweet sweet friend, J, who just happens to be C’s little sister. The party just happens to be at his house. I love J more than I love me, so I go. C is not there. His mom is though, and 12 hours of composure go down the drain when she gives me the “I understand,” look. Infuriatingly, I feel closer to and more open with her now than I ever have.

After the party I drive 3 hours to get to Houston to spend about 40 minutes (maybe more?) with Christian before we all fall asleep. I pray for him and kiss him goodbye just before he leaves in the morning, love on the twins (“We LOVE you, Amanda!! Why do you have to leave?” Such poingant words, at such a crucial time.)

Wednesday I drove back to Austin in the AM, worked all day and babysat all night.

Thursday I worked, helped with some family stuff, and found out that I’m being investigated for a hit and run, because reporting and accident after isn’t the same as reporting it at the time

Just now, (Literally, he came before the last sentance was writtenand left a minute ago) i found out the damage to the othe car was a “3 out of 7” and that, since I didn’t have insurace, well…there are more issues to come.

This has been no where near the hardest week of my life. But it hasn’t been fun, and it hasn’t been easy. I have seen God in a thousand new ways, in things he’s done in and through and around me, and I see in the Bible a call to REJOICE in sufferings. So when people ask me how I’m doing, and I say I’m dying on the inside, and they reply, “Well, you can’t tell it by your face,” there are three reasons:

*I don’t have a sackcloth and ashes.

*You just happened to catch me when I’m not crying. Give me five minutes.

*I want to suffer well.

That’s….all I have to give right now.

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