Okay, if you’ve been keeping up with me at all, you’ve got the idea that things aren’t all sunshine and roses for me right now. At least, not in the sense that traditional American thought would lead us to believe.
But yesterday, I made two lists, I made first a list of men who had told me they loved me within the setting of a romantic relationship. Men who had told me they wanted to be with me, forever. There is a stinking LIST. But it’s much shorter than the other list I made.
The other list was one of people who, just this past week, have given me their patience and kindness and affection and… everything else about love. People who have shown me that useless words and broken promises may have been multitudinous in my life, but they are not the majority, they are not the norm. I am a child of God EXTREMELY well loved.
And that makes me feel better.
So does laughing at the folly of my past. So… I decided to make a list of things that caught my heart at the time, and haven’t since proven rather useless. I feel like it might purge me a bit of this temptation to feel lied to and abandoned. Since really, my heart should only ever be caught up in the words of the man who ransomed me for His kingdom.
- “I don’t ever want to hear another list of reasons why I can’t love you.”
- “You ARE the rest of my life.”
- “I hope this isn’t too forward, but you are VERY beautiful.”
- “I like your hair. And nosering. And….everything.”
- “You know how people feel when they see a beautiful painting at museum and they have to talk about it? Well that’s what happens when I see you, I see beauty, and I have to talk about it.”
- “I feel about you the way a bird must feel about flight.”
- “Hey Gorgeous.” “You can’t see me, you don’t have your glasses.” “Yeah, but I know you’re gorgeous.”
- “Your lips are slightly different colors.” “Thanks.” “And… shaped as though they were deliberately sculpted.”
- “I do it because, I can’t imagine a future that doesn’t have you in it. So I have to make you mine.”
- “I told God I wanted the next one to be THE one, and here you are.”
That’s as best I can remember most of them. I should have written them down at the time. Youre welcome, Nicholas Sparks’ next horrible novel.
I hope it makes sense if you ever hear me say “words words words,” to someone. Words, unless from or about the Lord, are not things which matter much to me. They hold less than a bottomless cup.
Hopefully the next post will be about the words hold not just meaning, but hold me.