Toxic

Anger is poison in my body and mind.

I have not traditionally dealt much with anger. First because there was always a new thing to deal with in  a life that never slows down, and then because I’ve just been treated REALLY well for a lot of my life. For every one person who hurts me, there are ten or twenty others who love me, who tenderly care, who would kick that other person’s tail! So no, I have not traditionally dealt much with anger.

But it’s been a battle lately. It’s been hard-fought.  There is a sprinkling of words and actions that have wounded me, and sin is keeping me from letting them heal. Sin, anger over the situation, would have me dwell on these things. Though they are unimportant, though the actions more truely represent sins against God than any harm done me, and though I know God is my refuge and strength and will never abandon me (and I am therefore safe) ….AND THOUGH I AM TOLD TO BLESS MY ENEMIES,

I AM STILL ANGRY.

I am not angry in a holy manner. I am down and dirty i-want-to-yell-at-you, i-hope-you-are-hurting, and some-day-youll-get-whats-coming-to-you ANGRY. Do you see anything good or Holy, pure or righteous, or even (positively) noteworthy in that thinking? It’s okay, neither do I.

What I do see is that this thinking keeps me from meditating on God’s word. It keeps me from loving Him as I ought. It keeps me from serving others when I am so absorbed in my own world- not even that, absorbed in this thought life that is not real or beneficial. This anger, this sin, it even hurts my body.  I am sleepless and loose my appetite. I am sore and weak from worry and bracing myself against an invisible foe……

but I have been given the antidote to this poison. (come back tomorrow).

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