Antidote

When I think of what God does to heal me of my anger, I think of Detective Gadget. Do you remember when he used to get his instructions? “Your mission, should you choose to accept it…”

See, God isn’t forcing this antidote on me. He’s just holding it out in an open palm, saying “Baby this will make you better.” I can’t explain why it’s so hard to let go of my thinking and accept what He’s holding out, but I have a feeling you know what I’m talking about.

This past week would have been brutal.  Was heading down that track. I was letting it. And then, at the end of the week previous, some pretty intense things happened. A few friends graduated from college, I got my car out of the shop, and tragedy struck in the lives of many.  My friend B lost his father to suicide, and A got in a terrible bike accident, suffering from terrifying brain injuries. I got a text from a sweet friend in another city- she and her fiance have a wedding fast approaching and feel like they are either fighting or sinning at every turn. *

I found out most of this in one day, in just a few hours, actually. When my roommate and I sat down to intercede for our friends in prayer, she said, “Man, what’s going on? This is crazy.” and the Spirit told me, “No, this is the world, when you love people.”

I have been given the truly mind blowing gift of loving and being loved by a host of people.  More on that tomorrow. But the point is, if I love those people, I am going to be intimately connected. I am going to rejoice when they rejoice (graduations!) and I am going to MOURN when they mourn.  B’s father died and I wept for a man who took his own life, for the hurt and pain and confusion he must have felt. I prayed for B to have strength and comfort from his Father in heaven. I begged for healing for A, at each new update rejoicing that she’d been brought out of ICU or released from the hospital, but asking continually more healing from the one who knit her together in the first place.

Then I took another leap.  I decided that last week, I was going to say “yes” to EVERY favor that was asked of me. I was going to babysit, mend dresses, take people shopping, be arm candy on a dance floor, I was going to do everything I could to serve the people in my world. Everything that was asked of me. And for this week, I could. I had the time, somehow. I had the energy. I had the desire. I was not spending my time and energy on the futility of anger, I was being involved in restoration, one prayer and dress alteration at a time.

What I mean to say, simply, is this: my anger is being healed not by God just taking it away, but replacing it.  He is taking the moments that would be filled with hurt and grief over something that, even if consequential, cannot be changed, and giving me a bigger view, turning my eyes back up toward the heaven where my help comes from. He is giving me a purpose and usefulness and the joy of being part of how he heals and loves his people.

And because of that, when I woke up this morning, angry and about to fantasize about what I’d tell this person the next time I saw them, I started, “You are untrustworthy! You are rude! You are….” And then, like a gentle but stern father, God “ahem”ed me out of my idiocy. “Oh right, God! YOu…YOu are enough! You are perfect! You are my trust! You are my love! You are my salvation and my comfort! You are every gift.”

I tell you, even saying those thing makes everything about me ache less.  So I just had to tell you. I had to tell you how wonderful is the love and power of my God.

*Don’t let Satan lie to you and tell you that these latter events are signs God isn’t loving. They are signs of sin in a broken world for which we are not meant.

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