God loves me. I know he does because the Bible says so. And the Bible is true. So God loves me. It’s always true, but I don’t always believe it.
Last night, I was thinking of a friend who I haven’t spoken to in a while. Not really gotten to sit down and hash it out, catch up, revel in each other. That’s how I like to interact. Get to the real stuff and have fun with it.
I think it’s a trait i learned from my Father, God. Because he’ll listen to me drivel on about the mundane, he is happy to hear anything I want to tell him. But He delights when I come to him with my deep desires, my haunting hurts, with the stuff I just don’t want to bring up but I do, ’cause he’s my Father in heaven, and he’s the only one who can do a darn thing about them. And because there is comfort in being COMPLETELY known and loved, all the more. So I can tell Him anything, and I’m trying to get to a point where I tell him everything.
Back to that friend. So last night I was thinking about how much this person means to me. And how much I love this person, and this hurtful thought occurs to me, from no where holy. What if, since we’ve not spoken, this friend no longer loves me? What if they (yes i’m attempting to avoid gender specific pronouns and there fore forsaking number agreement) don’t know I love them?! That seemed silly, and I asked myself, “How could they NOT know?” Surely they know, i love them so much the last time we talked and why would that change? How could it? Nothing has happened, just time has passed. In fact, if anything, I long for them even more (i wont say i love them more, i’m not even sure what that means) having not talked.
But that’s not how i process. I don’t think of a raging war of passion and longing or the sweet peace of a tender care past expressed as conveying assurance that love is still there. Because sometimes, with people, things change.
It’s not the same with God. But i forget that sometimes. And you know what He does?
NOT tell me to suck it up and remember. NOT ask me “How could you NOT know that I care?”
Instead, gives me gifts. Like Monday when I said “I wish there were fewer clouds because I really like the feeling of the sun on me.” And INSTANTLY, those persistent clouds moved and I was bathed in beloved sunshine. My friends and I all started laughing, and in that moment God said, “I still love you.”
He talks to me. Not out loud, like i would suspect is a TV in another room. He speaks with words I know though I do not hear. Like when I’m not talking to him but I’m being dumb and he steps in and calls me by name, points out my folly, and gives me the answer I didn’t know I sought. And in that moment he says “I still love you.”
He shows me he loves me. He points me to pictures, gives me visions, uses me and calls me to things i would not otherwise see, to know that he is, in every moment, caring for, providing for, and protecting me. And in every moment I look back on I see he was saying then, too, “I still love you.”
God is a Lover and a Friend and a King and a Warrior and a Father and He’s perfect. And He doesn’t expect me to suck it up and just KNOW he loves me. He chooses to tell me again and again and again. “I STILL love you.”
I pray He does the same for you, should you ever require the reminder.