I Believe Lies

Sometimes it helps me see lies for what they are if I look carefully at them. Which makes sense, because looking carefully at something generally helps one get a more accurate view of said thing.

Right at this very moment, one of the lies that I’m believing about myself is that I’m too much, and not enough.

There was a moment, somewhere in the middle of the barage of sounds supposedly forming words, when my ex, explaining the break up, said, “We’re just so different, but I thought I could do this.”

one example of how different we are

While we were dating, there were so many times that I felt like the things that make me unique, my spontaneity, my off-kilterness, my penchant for odd, were just exasperating to him.  Don’t let that make you think I’m accusing him of anything wrong, it’s just how I felt. When you’re a public-schooled, 5 year university-trained, purple-haired, blah blah blah (enter the issue: seeing myself as a list of what I’ve done, not as CHRIST’s who HE chose and created as HE desired me to be), in a house full of 7 home school kids who have never even heard of a lot of the formative things of your life, you hear the enemy tell you that you’re just too much of some things (like rowdy or liberal) and not enough of others (like calm or quiet or conservative or just “the same”).

we had....Jesus in common.

And sometimes i BELIEVE those lies. As though my actions are powerful enough to overcome God’s sovereignty or goodness. As though the way He has gifted and equipped me is not a part of his promised plan, but a trial to overcome.  As though He made me with mistakes, not fearfully or wonderfully. Lie lies lies that I believe.

As though if I had been “same” enough, he could have loved me. If only I could be more pretty and less crazy…

Sometimes we saw eye to (neon) eye (pun intended)

The truth is, I am lovely and lovable because God said so, and I am ENJOYABLE because God made me that way. And I am exactly now what I need to be now and will continue to be refined into exactly what I need to be for every moment to be for my good and God’s glory. And if God’s plan is for me to be married some day, it will be to a man uniquely blessed by what the enemy will label as my crazy.  My crazy will be his joy.


Now, having processed all that, please, (seriously) please readers of all demographics, share the healing:

What lies do you believe about yourself? I bet you’re not the only one.


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