I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking: “So….what does that mean?”
What does “being over” Q mean?
It DOES mean the following:
That for the past two months, God has been slowly but progressively molding my heart to be more in love with Him, and simultaneously less in love with Q.*
It means it’s WAY less awkward to talk about him now.
And I can only hope it’ll be less awkward to talk to him someday.
It means that for the past two months, I’ve thought of him less and less, which I think is good, and healthy. But I’ve prayed for him better, with a purer heart, and longed to have a love to offer that was sincere, reflective of a sacred sibling, not a jilted ex.
It means that I’m way funnier. No joke, sad Ritz can be a riot. But carefree Ritz is an easier-to-manage (yet harder to keep still) hoot!
It means that I’ll need to be more aware of my behavior because not-heartbroken-Ritz is in all honesty much more prone to mischief.
It means God is good and living and active in my heart because this is NOT the result of work or determination or anything other than a miracle.
It means lots and lots of things all intended to point back to the glory and goodness of God.
It DOESN’T mean:
That I hate or am indifferent to Q. I love this man and probably always will. Just not the same way as I did.
That I think any less of him. (In fact, I think I’m at a better place to appreciate the blessing that he is.)
Or most notably (for me) that I’m available.
Because being over him doesn’t mean I’m healed of all my relationship issues, it just means I’m healed of the ones that made me angry with or hurt by him.
I’ve wondered how wide-spread I should have this information, because it all seems very silly to me, but in early September God sat me down and in no uncertain terms let me know that I have no business entertaining any romantic endeavors right now. I asked him for a time line so I’d be sure not to cut it too short (I’m prone to gun-jumping, as I said) and he said six months.
So THAT means no setting me up. No suggestions. (I’m not being silly, twice this week I’ve gotten a “you know who you should consider…”)No letting me nurse a crush. And in case you’re some random interweb person falling in love with me, just keep it to yourself because I’m healing, but I am NOT available.
Handsome, tatted up, guitar-wielding, tall, goofy white boy with brown hair and hazel eyes or none. ;) (It’s my type. Specificity is not a downfall when paired with open minded ness.)
see i TOLD you i was funnier this way.
*I haven’t been blogging about them because I didn’t want to jump the “im over it” gun, but I know this in many ways, probably most humorously marked by when I saw a photo of him (and I’m telling you, I’ve never been one to like short, thin, or blue eyes, but this sky-eyed 5’6″, 137 lb man gets my heart a flutter with a quick look) and said, “Nope. No. No amount of hot makes up for this much crazy.” (In direct oppostition to HIMYM’s Hot/Crazy graph PG-13, kiddoes). Josh said, “Don’t call him crazy.” Which is fair except: Q isn’t crazy. Moody and brilliant, sure. Crazy, no. The situation, though. It was crazy.