Something honest from last week that I waited to post until I had peace about posting it, to make sure I wasn’t posting it to make me feel better, but because it was a beneficial thing to do. I am no longer in “this sucks” mode. I still miss hanging out with my friend, and it was a long week, but God’s goodness has been rampant, and “I don’t have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way He loves us.”
I interrupt your regularly scheduled, well-refined, planned out series to bring you the following:
it suuuucks. Big time suckage. suckage for the ages.
it doesn’t matter, God’s glory shines through, and there are many many things that actually matter in the world and this isn’t one of them and I know:
that God is not slow to deliver His promise
that God is good and always has my best interest in mind
that God LOVES me and that His plan is better than any and every thing I’d cook up
and that the proper perspective will show that this
doesn’t actually suck.
but right now it does. Right now I’m hurt and sad and angry because I miss my friend who I can’t see and it’s like breaking up with someone I wasn’t dating and what the crap is that about and four months (what I’ve got left in my SMOS) seems like a really long time and I’m an emotional jerk and really i’m just kinda embarassed over something that’s even less of a big deal but Satan is whispering in my ear over and over again lies that I am SO TEMPTED TO BELIEVE BECAUSE THIS SUCKS.
I just wanted to say that because it’s still worth it. It’s still better to choose, and to continue choosing, the path to which I’ve been called. Even when it’s sad and not fun and it’s cold and I want a hug and the place where the Fender used to be looks pathetic now that it’s gone….It’s still worth it. Because God is my first love, and he is worth it. He is worth it in these small-sometimes-feel-huge things and he’ll be worth it in the someday-they’ll-be-actually-huge things.
And because for me, and maybe for you, sometimes I really have to let myself off the hook and admit what I feel, even if it’s wrong, which it usually is, in order to get to the place that’s right.
Because God lets me feel so I’m gonna go ahead and let me feel too.