I woke up with a song in my heart. I prayed to keep it, but I didn’t get up and write it down…which is dumb. Here’s what I was able to keep
I don’t know what I was,
but I know what i wasn’t
and i know what he made me.
he made me a red ….
(i know there is a line here, I just can’t remember it)
he made me a bird
with a new song to sing
be made me a rare gem
said he had plans for me
then he took me to his house
and he showed me the world
he said he was it’s ruler,
and i was his girl
Maybe if the Holy Spirit tells me the rest of the song, I’ll tell you. ;) Right now, I feel like it was His to begin with (all things are, I just don’t feel the freedom to augment this one right now. Like it was a special message) and I don’t want to mar it with my own words.
Part of the reason I didn’t write it down (other than that I’m lazy and was cozied up in a million blanket) is that I spent the night with la familia last night. You may or may not remember them as Q’s family. I never would have thought I’d spend the night here, but this is the third time! Funny things happen when people move to Oklahoma… and when God is in charge.
Anyway, the baby (See above, and who is five going on twenty) snuggled up in bed with me and was talking. She eventually was saying that in the future, she’ll probably live next door and she’s not sure what she’ll do all day, but her husband will have a job. ;) I asked what kind and she said “I dunno, he’ll choose!” Then she, in her sweet little girl speech, said something that blew my mind:
“Did you know that God has a husband picked out for you before you’re even born?” – Sweet Baby V, age 5
“You know what, baby, I don’t think I did. But I believe you.”
I was praying about it last night, about fears and truth, about plans and sovereignty, and a lot of the times when I talk to God about my fears, he reminds me that He is in control and that there is nothing to fear. And the verse always comes to mind, “Perfect love casts out all fear.” I know that God has loved me with a perfect love so when I am fearing, I am not living in that love.
I purposely write down my fears so I can look at them, figure out what iswrong (i.e. what I’m not believing about the Gospel) and then try to meditate on the truth. It really helps me.
Here’s an example from last night: “…the fear of be cared for, but not enough to make a difference…The fear that I’m just not enough to make an effort for.
It’s such an ugly, thoughtless notion. YOU decided I was worth it, even when I wasn’t. And then you gave me worth….”
I went on to write down all the ways that God already fulfills all the things I’m afraid I wouldn’t have (ie how I already have them!) in a romantic relationship.
What are helpful prayer/journaling techniques you use?
Important note: sometimes I am in dangerous situations, or the like, and I can discern that. Discernment is different than fear, and the two feel VERY different to me. Discernment is good, and it’s from God, it’s a gift to help me. Fear is bad. The kind of fear I’m talking about it the kind here. Side note to the note: if you ever think my theology or interpretation is wrong, please tell me!