I said in my last post, written six months ago, that I had to cling to God’s promises because that’s all I had.
I’m glad I did. It was tough. I really hurt but in all of it I knew God was with me and hurting isn’t always a bad thing. It caused me to see how much I love God and more importantly how much (and just HOW) he loves me.
Andplusalsotoo, guess where I’m going tonight (yes actually tonight, this post is, atypically, in “real time”)?
I’m going to go spend time with la familia, those people I told you about in the last post.
And I’m going to spend the night.
BECAUSE I HAVE A STINKING AMAZING RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM.
Now hear me out on this. God will not always give you exactly what you want, because sometimes what you want is NOT what’s best for you. (And sometimes he will give you what you want and it IS best for you in the sense that you learn but it is NOT fun and part of what you learn is that you should try to go for what God wants. Ex: Israel wanted a king.)
But sometimes he will give you the sweetest wildest desires of your heart! And my hope then was that God would heal me of that insane pain. Just make it not hurt so much, be so traumatic. Instead what happened is that he healed me AND he gave me a season of huge growth in my relationships with them.
It’s complicated. It’s ESPECIALLY complicated because…ahem… other, very complicated stuff is going on right now….and if you KNOW me, like you’ve talked to me, this probably seems confusing (you’ve got to remember, I wrote that last one SIX MONTHS ago and six months is Ritz land is like an eon of activity) but if there was one take away I wanted you to have it would be this:
GOD IS GOOD. He was good when it hurt and had he never ever revealed to me why these things were for my good (and holy moley, has he ever revealed!!) HE WOULD STILL BE GOOD. AND SOME THINGS MAY NEVER GET HEALED HERE ON THIS EARTH.
And it is NOT my restored relationship with La Familia that made things better. It was just God’s mercy and kindness. He just so happened to execute said traits through seester snuggles and stories and slumber parties and guitar playing in the kitchen.
Cling to God. Not circumstances. And know that he’s the God of circumstances too.