C is moving to Oklahoma to be part of a church plant.

Oh yeah, let me back up. Our church/my work has a position called “Church Planting Resident” and our residents just finished their terms, so they are leaving to go plant churches. One of them, J, is going to Oklahoma.

About a month ago, we had a church service kinda…sending them off. That was part of it, anyway. And when the pic of J and his wife came on the screen, out of NOWHERE, my heart rose up within me and I was OVERTAKEN with this idea that I wanted to go with them. And just as suddenly, God said no. He said i was supposed to be in Austin for my new internship and my grad school and I had things to do here. And since I had NEVER wanted anything to do with a church plant before, I said okay. But as I was leaving, I saw N, J’s wife, and asked to please be put on their prayer team, because I did in some way want to be part of what they were doing. I knew i could support them in intercession.

Apparently, that night God did basically the same thing in C. Except he DIDN’T tell C no. So now, C is going to Oklahoma to be part of the church plant that J is heading.

I am 51% out of my mind excited that he is going, switching my prayer from “return to him the joy of your salvation,” to “give him strength, courage, and every resource that he can follow you hard in this calling.” This man. He can do ANYTHING and his number one obstacle is himself. And I know, I can already see, that God is going to use this to stretch him and grow him and as much as I’m crazy about him now, it’s not hard to see how God is going to use this in itself, and as a springboard to make him even more effective for Kingdom-building. This is HUGE for him growing into who God has called him to be, finding a passion and learning  just how amazing he is, and just a million other things that are huge and great and everything I’d want for a person.

and I am 49% devastated. And I say it this way because yes, it’s been a while and no, there is NOTHING romantic between us. At least not in action. But as you’ve probably noticed, I’m desperately and completely, uniquely, singularly in love with this man. And when I’m being nakedly honest, there is only ONE thing I want more (concerning the two of us) than to be with him.

And it’s for him to leave. Because God has clearly and loudly said it should be so. Only for the call of a Lover so divine could I lay down my fight and let go of the one, hear on earth, who my heart loves.


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