I was wishy washy about breaking fast with social media on Sundays.
it seemed not totally in keeping with the idea of celebrating with the saints. plus, theoretically, it would be on the day of rest, and as most of you know, people friends, sunday is NOT my day of rest. sunday is often 13 straight hours of taking care of something. no, that’s not true. there is always a one hour interruption of worship in song and learning. so twelve hours with a break somewhere. but anyway, let’s not get on the “oh i work such long days” kick cause yes, i take care of things and yes, i work hard, but a)any good thing i do is ONLY as a result of the work of the Spirit b) it’s a blessing to be a blessing and c) I LOVE MY JOB
i love my whole life
i love my friends. my family (crazy crazy crazies). I love my school and my job and my co workers.
you know what I dread? when I get too run down and start sinning out loud and hurting people.
you know what I don’t dread?
work. class. the stuff most people don’t like, i LOVE. and i don’t just get through.
anyway, sorry this is random. i’m in that mode that we get in that causes us to not have (but need) a step ladder for a year until someone is atop a desk for the fifty second time and says “man i wish we still had that step ladder” and someone else says “you want me to just get us one?” “Oh my gosh, why didn’t we think of that?” and the middle person orders one, right then, on amazon, and it’s taken care of, one year and five minutes later.
so I was wondering out loud tonite if i have “the gift”
that’s what people refer to as the call to life long singleness.
and please, right now is NOT the time to jump on my case.
but in all seriousness, i was just wondering out loud, when one of my friends asked “when you get married, will you just put your wedding ring over your tattoo?”
“maybe. if i get married.”
“You don’t think you will?”
“Oh i don’t know. i might not. maybe i have the gift.”
“and that doesn’t bother you?”
“i think i might prefer to get married, but i like my life. I don’t really want to get rid of any part of it.”
“but what if you get lonely?”
“married people get lonely.”
“what about having someone to help you.”
“its true. i wouldn’t have that. but i’d also only have my own crap to deal with.”
“yeah but that’s selfish.”
“so is getting married to avoid being lonely.”
“touche. so, it’s just not a big deal to you?”
“uhm, no, not at this moment. I think I just ….it would take a lot to be worth it. and that could happen, but im not looking for it. and i guess that’s what makes me wonder if i have the gift. the thing is, when I go to bed at night,
i never think, “oh, there’s something missing.”
thank you for loving me and being part of the reason i can say that.