to those of you still confused on which one was a lie, we haven’t gotten there yet. I can tell you that #10 was true, and I planned on telling you all about hanging out with so many fun people (including ash (dust) and colt (like colt 45, the gun) ) but you know what? my brain is too full to type and i didn’t take one single picture. but i do have this post which is tangentially related. :)
I love you.
I promise I love you.
I love you because God has loved me so much, but I love you with joy and intention.
I love you so much that I pay attention in 3 hour classes.
and as you may become aware, I am NOT specifically skilled in being still that long. But for you, for you I do it.
I read long articles until my eyeballs hurt, so I can learn how to help you
because some day you’ll be sitting in front of me, asking me to help you
to help you not hurt.
So right now, I’m making decisions. Making sacrifices, for you. Choosing to work on a project rather than go out. Choosing to make time to study rather than make time to date. Choosing to take extra classes and extra exams to be able to help you, your spouse, and your children (or, maybe your parents, little bit and man cub. Yes, that may be what I call you someday).
But I want you to know something: I want you to know that I DO NOT RESENT YOU FOR THESE CHOICES. Let me re-iterate: I LOVE YOU. And love
(so i will spend years of my life preparing for you. i will not rush.)
(so i CARE about your hurts and hangups, and i want to help)
is not self seeking
(so it’s not the biggest deal that I don’t get to go out much right now)
it does not envy or boast
(which means that my eventual degree, accreditation, and license don’t make me better than you, it just means i get to be your helper!)
it is not arrogant or rude
(so i’m not gonna throw this stuff in yo’ face!)
it does not insist on it’s own way
(so you wanna talk, we’ll talk. you wanna sit, we’ll sit. i’m about you, about advocating for you, and though i come in knowing things that could help, i won’t insist that they will, if those things scare you or make you uncomfortable)
it is not irritable or resentful
(so my bad day? it’s not going to end up hurting you. God willing. I’ll try, i promise.)
it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth
(so i care about what has happened to you, and what you’ve done. But i care more about who God says you are. Oh child!)
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
So what I’m saying is, thank you for this chance to learn. Thank you for challenging me in new ways. Every. Stinking. Day. Thank you for the chance to learn about our Father in about a zillion new ways. Thank you for the chance to be useful. To know you. To Love you.