caseofthecrazies

Okay this is probably funny, but im not writing it to be funny. but you have total permission to laugh.

A few days ago, i found out my ex (you know, not to be too dramatic, just the only man i’ve ever been in love with, ::whatever::)  was in town.

And quickly spiraled down the following LUNACY.

That’s okay, I won’t see him (fair assumption, but not the point.)

Unless he calls. Then I would agree to see him.(probably not a healthy trail to go down)

But he won’t. (oh dear)

Cause he doesn’t love me. (Is she having this conversation?)

And he never did. (Really? how is this beneficial.)

Because I’m not pretty/good enough (WHERE ARE YOU GETTING THIS?!)

And I never will be (disproportionate response)

I’m going to die alone. (I. GIVE. UP.)

Let’s all take a little breather and take that all in.

yes.

yes i did really think, believe, and meditate in the above crap.

which isn’t that big of a deal.

i mean really, it’s not the errant thought that needs to come under the authority of the Gospel (which i’d heard preached on SEVEN TIMES EARLIER THAT DAY) that concerns me.

it’s the fact that since I knew my thoughts were errant, i felt unable to connect with God to ask for help. unable to believe the truth I knew, because i’d just had such a (srsly) ridiculous, emotional response that it was ALL i could see.

 

ANYWHOODLES, it took me saying that all out loud to be able to see how ridiculous (and simultaneously completely understandable) this whole thing was.

 

And then it took weeks (oops….it’s been a while since I started this post) to shake the feeling.

 

Because sometimes you (or I) get a case of the crazies and even once my heart and head know and choose the Truth, I still feel….uh…emotionally seasick?

 

When’s the last time you got a case of the crazies? How’d you shake em?

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3 thoughts on “caseofthecrazies

  1. that’s my life. all right there. most of the time. the only way i shake it is by reading the word, listening to worship music, working, helping others, and talking to God. not necessarily in that order. thank you for being vulnerable.

    • I told my roommate “i just feel like i have no strength to fight this.” and she replied, “You don’t, but He does.” It’s hard when you can only FEEL the crazy, to still trust the truth. I see why all of those things help you. They’re some of my go-to’s also. :) thx for commenting!

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