It felt that way

I’m not sure, at this moment, in the middle of it, if right now is a hard time.

but it feels that way.

I have a pattern of reacting to difficult situations (or, to please the counseling student screaming in my head, “situations that i have difficulty handling”).

First, the things happen. Whatever they are. Well no, first, i’m going on in life with my typically very packed, not-very-much-room-for-more, schedule.

Then something(s) happen that add, usually more than there is room for to my life. At least more than there is COMFORTABLY room for.

Am I making sense?

Oh i mean not to beat a dead horse, but I’m in full time school and full time work. That’s a busy life. But let me make no miscommunication: I LOVE AND ENJOY MY JOB AND MY SCHOOL. Just, they are busy.

Then, I got arrested. Now I have lawyers and bail bonds people and insurance companies to deal with. And extra bills.

Just so happens to happen at tax time. And find-a-new-phone-plan time. And break-up-with-the-boy-I’m-dating time. (i know. snuck that one in.)

And this is also ramp-up-for-the-biggest-logistical-event-kidstuff-has-ever-done-time.

And not SUPER affecting me but not NOT affecting me, Daddy is in the hospital and bubby keeps getting arrested.

So all of these things HAPPEN. But I do not immediately react. It takes a LOT to immediately just knock me off my rocker. This storm of stuff didn’t do it. Not immediately.

So I just….added everything in and kept going. My relationship with Jesus is still sweet. I’m still hanging out with people. I’m not crossing anything else. I’m not stopping anything.

And I don’t realize how hard this is on me until I realize that I’m sacrificing sleep to stay up and read some fiction. And sacrificing school work to sleep.

ooooookay. This is when it occurs to me that I may be hurting. That I may need help. I may need to say “no” to something.

::I never finished this post, and I’m not sure where it was going, but I thought it might be encouraging to some random person on the interweb. so dear random interweb person: love you. ohandplusalstoo, I DID finally “get” that I was stressed, etc, and DID blog about that so….I’m okay, now :) :: 


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