Last night, the Social Worker and I were sitting on the couch when she asked me how I was. I said, honestly, conflicted. There is a part of me that is very intuitive. So much so that I often won’t question seemingly awful/crazy/nonsensical things, trusting that that’s just not the end of the story. That part of me can often look (and be!) impulsive. (It can also be the best asset I have.) And right now, that part of me is very strongly lead in one direction, but EVERYTHING else about the world from which I can draw in any conclusions is pretty ….inconclusive.
If you’ve been around this blog any time at all, you’ve prob noticed, I am often very assured of what God is asking of/saying to me. I believe ABSOLUTELY that you test the spirits, you listen to the wisdom of others, and that God will NOT ever go against his own word (the bible) but this is …. one of those “where scripture is silent” areas. So ANYway, I mentioned that I just felt like being skeptical, not trusting this…sort of “intuition” (and no i do NOT believe you should or can always trust feelings) felt a bit like being unfaithful, like …. a bit like not trusting in a promise.
So she asked a great question:
“Are you at a place where you can willingly and joyfully accept God’s will, even if it turns out your intuition is wrong?”
No. No last night I was not. And this morning I was not. And this afternoon, I’m still not. At least not totally. But I am begging God to change my heart to a more faithful one. Faithful to Him in all circumstances. Joyful in His plan no matter how little of it I know.
And even her asking that question is helping me get there.