Squeezie Breaks Down

If she can’t have milk, but only water.

If she thinks she’s hungry but is only allowed juice.

If we can paint nails, but not until after snack,

or if we can’t paint nails at all because we(she) did not obey.

we were all set up for some fingernail-painting greatness

If the fluffy that she took off the cotton swab renders it useless. Even if there are other cotton swabs right there. Because they are not THE fluffy-less cotton swab she wanted.

after she'd stop screaming, she was feeling tuckered out

And I, in my very finite Tia wisdom, say, “I know it’s hard when things don’t go our way, but we don’t have to cry and throw fits. Those aren’t good choices. We don’t have to be sad because when our plans don’t work out, we can trust God’s plan.”

::WAILING:: “But I WANT to paint my fingernails! I WANT TO.”

“Sweet baby, sometimes we just can’t have what we want. There is no reason to scream.”

Not wanting to admit that things don't have to go her way

And she THINKS I’m talking to her.

But I’m not. I’m talking to me.

Because at this exact moment she is POSITIVE that she will not survive if she can’t get what she wants.

And that kicking and screaming will get her what she wants.

She’s so sure that she’s not being unreasonable, she’s being proactive.

She’s doing what she needs to do.

She looked at me to let me K.N.O.W. she was upset. Yep, i do that too.

Sound familiar?

How many times do we break down? Get rude with customer service, our coworkers, our spouse(i don’t have one, but i’ve probably been rude to yours), your kids. Not because something is genuinely wrong, but because things simply aren’t happening the way we want them to.

We’ve become, what’s the word people use, ah yes, “more refined” in our sin. Our fits usually are masked as discipline or anger necessary to get others to perform well. Our plans seem less frivolous, therefore their failure more significant. Our words against eachother wax and wane poetic.

Starting to see the light.

But in the end, we’re breaking down because things didn’t go our way. Yep, I’m implicating us all. Maybe you’ve gotten so good at this refinement that no one even notices it. But it’s there, in your heart.

For me, it was helpful today to look at this beloved, beautiful, ridiculous child and remember that I am God’s beloved, beautiful, ridiculous child. It helped me love her better and better allow myself to be loved.


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