I Will Not Compare this Man to my Period

yeah, you’re sort of terrified after reading that title, eh? (oh don’t worry about that vernacular, i’m sorta working for a Canadian right now.)

Anyway, the thing I’m blogging about today actually has NOTHING to do with lady-times, other than it happens about every 28 days. What happens? BONNERCUP!

A friend of mine lives out of town and comes in every couple of weeks. And we have this pattern of seeing each other every couple times he’s here. Like this past weekend, when we hung out and I ended up smelling like 17 different kinds of man.

Wait, let me start over.


So, Bonnercup the grumperpants was in town and we decided to hang out. People gotta eat, so me, the seester, and tpalm met up at chuy’s for some requisite creamy jalepeno sauce and chips.

You may remember bonnercup as the one who said he looked like he was having a stroke in the photo we took last time.  So we tried so redosies.

"Try not to look like you are having a stroke." "Don't worry, I opened my eyes super big."

i don't think he's that pale i.r.l. I have a monster flash on my phone.

seester is fo sho not that pale!

We parted ways so that Tpalm and seester could go grocery shopping (it didn’t make more sense to me than it’s making to you, since we all had to be back a the church in 1.5 hours) and went to The Domain because i’m a demanding brat  I mildly suggested I was okay with going to Charming Charlie to get the watch I’ve wanted since March. When we got there, Andy (Bonnercup’s first name) said, “Whoa. This is a chick store.” “Yeah, I….could’ve prepared you better for this. Is it still okay?” “Yeah, I don’t mind. It’s just….a chick store.”

In some kind of poetic payback for dragging him through aisles of “chick store,” we ended up hopping across the way to Dillards so the Cup could pick out a new cologne. Which is how I ended up smelling like 17 different kinds of man, because we tried every. single. cologne. in the store. Commentary went as follows:

“I like this one.”
“Gross, no way, it doesn’t smell like man.”
“Well it smells different on the skin.”
“Your skin will make it smell like man?”

“Does this smell like man?”
“No, it smells like a cough drop.”
“How about this one.”
“Hmmm….just not like man.”
“I’m telling you! It’s a thing! I’m saving you from going out smelling like a pansy!”
“Yeah, well, thx for that. How about this one?”
“That one smells TOO much like man.”*

Finally I liked Polo Black and Polo “1” and of the two, I liked “1” better. When I “showed” them to him, he was FASTIDIOUS about sniffing down the coffee beans (did you know they keep little containers of coffee beans with the cologne to cleanse the pallet? they do.) and making me do the same to assure that we were choosing the right scent.

"Smell the beans!" he kept insisting.

trying to decide

Except by this point, we were both COVERED in different smells. Because we have the aim of….things with really bad aim. I mean we might have been drunk off how much much alcohol we huffed (the kind in cologne, y’all) but I’m PRETTY sure that it smelled super good. When we had it narrowed down it was between

“I’m here for business and I’d like to declare my intentions.” and

“I might wanna hang. Could be fun.”

Since Bonner is like, 12 years old (23) he went with the second.


*Oh and when I finally found smells that I declared smelled like man, Bonner thought it smelled like something else,

“I think you think “man” smells like wood.”
“Well I was a carpenter for three years.”
“So WHY don’t you like this one?” (referring to something SUPER strong)
“Because you want to smell like carpenter, not lumberjack.” ::coughed, profusely, from the over powering lumberjack smell::


One thought on “I Will Not Compare this Man to my Period

  1. Pingback: “Then I Really Will Be Like Your Period” «

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