::I (God willing) don’t have the insomnies anymore. I did when this was written::
It’s been three nights that I’ve been unable to truly sleep
Not as in i’ve been having nightmares, altough I think my troubled mind over how tired i’ll be the next day does cause fitful visions in the few moments of sleep i do get. Just that try as I might,
fall (or stay).
On night two, it occurred to me. “I’ve got the insomnies again.” Or that’s how my sleep deprived mind interpretted the “i can’t sleep” information.
See, this is totally not the first time that this has happened. (So why am I writing? isn’t this playing a broken record? No, stick with me.) You may or may not remember a time this somewhere that i am not going to link to when, yes, I went a whole week without sleeping a night. I was a mess. I was a mess before it happened and by the end of the week had entered full blown emotional breakdown.
It was then that I got some Truth that changed me. “Don’t DO anything. Just rest, just rest in the Lord. He loves you and when you need to sleep, you’ll sleep. And when you need to eat, you’ll eat. But for now, just go about resting in the Lord.”
So that’s what’s different this time. That’s why this isn’t a broken record. Last night, I felt particularly vulnerable to a time of believing lies, giving into sinful manfestations of emotions, like worry or anxiety. I prayed all night long (link unrelated but in case your brain did what mine did, i wanted to give you easy access to lionel richie) that I wouldn’t soothe myself with anything but the Lord. That I would praise him throughout my sleepless night and know that he was perfect and enough and that if I needed sleep to do what he wants and be who he wants, I would sleep. And if I didn’t sleep, I could still trust him and rest in his love.
Do I still have a (now growing) pile of things to do? yep.
Do I still feel a bit groggy and look less-than-top-notch? You betcha (although I do emply ye olde “dress like you feel good and maybe you will”).
But I rest in the God that trust, and by His strength and power, I am fighting despair.
Also, I’m about to go get a grande soy chai latte (half pump caramel, half pump mocha, no foam…with an extra shot :)