Say My Name (propriety assured)

Y’all it is two minutes into the second day of the new year, and I want to encourage you to do this thing right.


And by right, i mean with humor.


I know, it would be good to tell you about what I got goin’ on with Jesus. And I will probably but right now it’s just me and him and I’m not in a sharing mood.  It’s an intimate love and some time I am like my namesake, mary. Sometimes I want to sing the magnificat and sometimes I want to consider all these things and treasure them in my heart. Right now, it’s an “in my heart” time.


But you know what i can tell you about? How I’m a big ole goober. It’ll make you feel better, even if you’re already feeling good, because I give you permission and even encouragement here and now to laugh at me and my gooberness.


there are a lot of funny facepalm pix on the interwebs, y'all


Okay, so let me start by saying that I am NOT saying what someone is USUALLY saying when they say, “So there’s this dude….”


That being said: There’s this dude. I met him a few months ago and have had idiosyncratically memorable experiences every time I see him. Why you ask? First time, I introduced myself and said, “I’m Ritz.” and he said, “You’re an artist.” Turns out he’d heard of me but it was just a very memorable introduction because I’d never gotten that reply to my name before.


Then I maybe called him the wrong name to his best friend. And then to his face.


Then we talked about given names (since we both go by shortened parts of our names) and I called him the wrong THAT, as well. Srsly, batting a thousand.


So, today, we’re talking and he mentions a tattoo that he has, which I’ve never seen, which he casually mentions is big on his arm (it was part of the general convo, he’s not a schmuck) and though i continue talking like I’m all breezy on the outside, on the inside I’m having the following conversation with myself:


“He has a big upper arm tatoo? Hot! And he wants to turn it into a sleeve? Hottness times two! I’m so shallow. I’m not even listening anymore. Oh crap. It’s my turn to talk. And I wasn’t listening. AH CRACK A JOKE.”


So I get through and no one notices, probably, except for me. But then i tell the story at lunch and it turns out everyone and their mama knows the dude and i’m like, “Crap, i was fine with them knowing I’m shallow but not when they know the object of my shallowness”


So fast forward to tonight. (J.Lo’s “Waiting for Tonight” just started playing in my head. Ever wish you had a more active imagination? I don’t. It’s a party in my brain all the times. Moving on.)


I see him again and try not to have a conversation because i don’t want to a)call him by the wrong name b)blush because of being shallow (or be awkward. I …..can’t actually blush. Literally my face just doesn’t do it. But it’s plenty demonstrative nonetheless) c)stop listening if he does talk or d)add to the list of oh-my-gosh-we-can-never-be-friends-because-i-only-ever-make-a-fool-of-myself-and-youre-friends-with-all-my-friends-and-why-have-we-not-met-before-ness. Basically I keep my eyes down and my hands busy and he’s not a chatty creature to it’s easy until oh, whatever, we just end up in the same group of people and he’s making introductions.


SO he introduces this girl (heck, probably his girlfriend!) but when he gets to me, he says, “This is Maritza.” AND HE SAYS IT WITH THE SPANISH ACCENT. (If you didn’t know, you now know, i L.O.V.E. when people call me by my whole name, and especially in Spanish. And it almost NEVER happens.)


And I GASP. 

And stare at him.

For maybe an entire second. Not because it’s hotness or anything like that (hello, momentary tattoo shallowness does not a crush make) but because I just love my name and feel truly special when people use it. Still though. A gasp is too strong a reaction, I understand.

So I then “recover” by looking over and saying to the girlfriend, “Oh, Alicia, does that mean happiness?” (which no, it doesn’t) because i’m a geek about name meanings so i just throw something out there and I’m trying not to focus on the fact that I just GEEKED OUT in this man’s face!


And then I add a little obligatory chitchat and walk away.


Because ohmygosh. Normal interactions are not in the cards.


So there you go. A funny I’m-so-glad-it-wasn’t-me story for you. Hopefully it helps you start your back-to-work schedule off right (correctly).


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