I’ve mentioned once before that my closet is where other people’s wedding dresses live. At that time, there were only two.
Now there are five.
These things are like bunnies but they take up much more room. (Trust me, i’ve had bunnies)
it's so cute it's a little creepy, no?
So, I have this friend. She shall remain nameless even though she gave me permission to write this because it’s so dang funny. Okay, let’s give her a name but it’s not her real name. Let’s call her…. Dorothy. Do.
Okay, so Dorothy has somewhat different ideas about marriage than I do. She’s been married once, when she was a teenager, and let’s just say it didn’t take. She’s from a culture where marriage is something you do if you want and then you stop doing if you want.
Which helps explain why she had these two “wedding dresses” laying around. A few years ago she was going to marry this guy but she couldn’t figure out what to wear. So every time she saw a white, or beige, or off-white (and maybe one time a black but don’t quote me ;) dress she thought would be cute for a non-traditional wedding ceremony (which she wanted to have in Mexico because she says it’s too expensive to be legally wed in the U.S.A.), she would just buy it.
Well, she didn’t marry that guy (don’t worry, there are other ones lined up for her hand) and now her dresses don’t fit for her to wear to anything. She lost weight but she was ::ahem:: augmented. You know who has never been accused of augmentation in that sense? ME! SO Do hears about how my dresses are too big for me and I’m borrowing other people’s and she’s like, “Come over, dude, i’ve got some dresses for you.” Except she doesn’t sound like a drug dealer, like that sentence sounds in my head.
"I'm 15 and in a designer gown, I'm so sad and pouty. Waahhhh." #imnotbitter but homegirl needs a knock-knock joke or SOMEthing
I go over and see them laid out and I’m like, “DO! These are your WEDDING dresses.” And she’s like, “Yeah but I can’t fit them any more,” as she hikes up her girls to emphasize the issue, like it’s not awkward for me to try on someone else’s wedding dresses (even though you can’t tell that’s what they are. But I can tell. Because i was THERE when she was trying to use them as wedding dresses).
Anyway, they did fit me. And they are very pretty. So now I have another white sundress, a sleek cream floor-length dress, and an off-white suit dress with cardi that I may wear on Easter.
And…my closet now houses FIVE other-people’s-wedding-dresses.
listen to miss ritz 