So, in the same vein of the ever-lovin’ why-does-a-single-girl-have-five-wedding-dresses, a story for the boys (but ladies, listen up too). (yes that was a tenacious d reference. no, don’t look it up if you don’t know about what I speak).
I’d like to begin by saying that no, I did not intend to spend an evening on a couch with three DUDES, watching football. I intended to spend the night with two or three other ladies, entertaining ourselves whilst the dudes watched football. But the wives stayed home or went out or whatever so it was just me and the dudes.
Luckily, they are very kind, chillax dudes, who put up with all my questions and actually taught me about the game. Turns out i like watching sports. However (comma) I think I do it wrong….another post for another time.
So i’m sittin’ on the couch with the dudes (again, NOTMYFAULT) and get a call from another friend about a proposal gone horribly, terribly awry. If there were an Alexander book about proposals, this would be the story it told. So while I’m managing that crisis, the dudes listen in and ask me to explain after the call is over.
Dude one: So what’s the big deal?
Dude two: Man, every girl wants some amazing story she can tell everyone, and it’s STUPID. (sidenote, this dude is married. I’m sure he came up with some elaborate scheme but it seems he wasn’t totes excited about it)
Dude one: Isn’t the point just to get engaged?
Dude three: No, dude, it’s a thing.
Me: Hmmmm….. interesting.
And so I found myself pondering. I’m used to engagement stories. It’s one of the things I ask about when i’m getting to know married couples. It’s true, I love them. Well, I love stories in general I just think this one is a gimme because it seems everyone has a story.
And I’ve helped plenty of dudes plan their proposals. (It occurs to me that people allow me to help a lot with their nuptial issues. I love that!) It just never occurred to me that a dude would find the whole planning of the thing offensive.
Tough to accomplish, sure. Stressing over the ring, i can see. But disdain for the proposal planning process? Never thought of it before.
So I ask you: how do you feel about the current atmosphere surrounding proposals? Are we off the mark? Are we missing the point? (And by we I mean everyone, not just ladies.) Because thinking about it, this frustrated dude, he’s a winner. He is kind and caring and considerate to people in general but especially to his wife, and he’s not a complainer. So if he saw something wrong, I saw room to investigate.
And I thought about my friend Angela’s post about why her husband loves her. I thought of the value of a love where you do things just because it’s right and true and not because of some emotional or physical response. Yeah, I value those responses, but i also value the idea of a man and a woman (and yes i see the socio-cultural boundaries I’m placing and we can talk about it later) to see that they love each other, that they are better and holier together than they are apart, and choosing to get married in some simple, easy conversation.
I’m saying I can see the romance in a man asking without feeling like he needs to convince.
I’m just saying that I see now that there are multiple angles from which to view this issue.
So, knowing that I’ve got no agenda and nothing to lose, I ask:
What’s your take on the big proposal kick?