not based on my anything

Today I’m grateful for….

carpool

new relationships blossoming like the flowers I expect to soon litter the highways

the gym

friends who have character strong enough to be my ex’s best friend and still care about me (thx, corby)

a beautiful day

classmates who i love so much that i’m sad i’ll graduate someday, just because I won’t see them

Hand-me-downs (my shoes, dress, and cardi are all from friends)

solid theological training that I can (and now do) use in my everyday life

professors who will be silly and make faces at me, unprovoked

decongestants

praise and worship

community

therapy (physical, mental, any kind, really)

I think I’m just in one of those grateful moods where all the colors seem brighter, the flavors more intense. Which makes sense since I’m FINALLY getting over the week of cold/sinus/allergy attacks and can (a little) smell and breathe out of my nose.

 

Life right now life feels like being at a carnival, trying out one of those shooting games. Every target is going down- bing!bing!bing!, but I’m noticing that the gun isn’t even in my hands. It’s not my doing that is making things go well. I see relationships growing and brig redeemed. I see resources being used to make outcomes I would never have dreamed. I see potential turn into reality in a way that literally gives me shivers over how magnificent it is.

 

And I look down at my hands and I wonder how it’s happening. Because the gun isn’t in my hands. I haven’t practiced. I haven’t prepared for this, trained. I didn’t even walk up to play this game.

 

And I believe that’s how it works. I believe things should go better if I’m praying more. I believe I can earn grace, and that when I’m not acting like a perfect child, then I’m going to get less attention or fewer blessings from my Perfect Father. I believe that since I haven’t been keeping up with my REAP, life should be falling apart and somewhere my brain is thinking, “This is too good, this can’t be real.”

 

It’s not pretty, this thinking. And it’s not True. But I want to say and remember how it is because it’s good for me to acknowledge and maybe you need to know also: that life doesn’t go “well” if you’re good and “poorly” if you’re bad. Job’s friends were jackwaggons when they suggested that crap.

 

And God will work his plan for His glory and his plan also just so happens to include your good. All.the.time. How? I don’t know.

 

But today I’m grateful.

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