I’ve decided that since I believe in being honest but I’m still UBER self-conscious about some of the stuff I think being “out there,” I’ll start writing the Crazy Girl Chronicles: a series of the things SO man girls think but aren’t really allowed to say, out-loud.
It all started at breakfast.
“I’m not lonely or unhappy, I’m just admitting that, as time passes and with the decisions I’m making (decisions I think are right), by the world’s standards, I’m only getting less marketable, less likely to ever be pursued. I know, that makes me the crazy girl* to say that.”
“It makes you the honest one.”
And in the spirit of honesty, I’m going to say that I have gotten SUPER comfortable objectifying men lately. I should start with the fact that while plenty of women ARE visually motivated toward sexual sin, I am not one of them. I see a hot body and think, “well, dang. I appreciate that.” It’s roughly akin to seeing a cool painting or a job you know someone worked really hard on. (hahahahahaha. Ya see what I did there but didn’t mean to do there? Oh, me! If you don’t get it: ask me.)
Take, for example, the Goslintern. A dude who works where I do and looks like Ryan Gosling. I don’t have a picture cause I’ve only seen him once and didn’t snap one in that “what the heck, how have i not noticed R.G. working here?” moment, but you’ve seen Ryan Gosling, right? That’s what he looks like. And this is a person with a name and thoughts and ideas and hopes and feelings, and I don’t want to know about any of them. I’d rather him just be the Goslintern, a cute dude (not hot cause he’s like 12 or something. Or 24. 12 and 24 are same-difference to me) who Nat the Knitter and I can joke about.
“I saw the goslintern again.”
“It’s a goslINVATION.”
See? That kind of objectification. The kind that says, “The dude bowling next to us (true story) screams ‘tool’ from his affliction shirt to his fake tan, but I like the way he wears his jeans.”
Is it good? Uhm…..
But it happens.
But here’s what else has started happening. Somehow, around me, my dudes have started changing. I didn’t see it happen, but they started becoming men. It’s not because they got their period (bubba’s emotional outburtsts aside ;) but they just started caring more about others and less about themselves. Saying edifying things and sacrificing for the sake of the Gospel. And while they are not attractive (because no i will not even think about dating these brothers, no i just will not), the quality they started to exude is. I saw my brothers turn into respectable men and realized I couldn’t really take seriously the “dudes” all around me anymore.
I can still care about them as human beings. Be their friend. Love them. Or just appreciate the way they wear their jean. But I find myself completely unable to think of an irresponsible dude as a man. I can’t respect him on the level of a woman attracted. (so this is really only the romantic part of me that cares at all. but that is NOT a small part of me)
What I am trying to say is this: that I have been surprised by the change in me that the most attractive and, in it’s own way, beautiful thing I see about a person, and especially a man, is his respectability. That I long to respect even those who have not earned it, and long to follow well those who have.
So, thanks, brotherfriends, who have followed the Lord and become absolutely respectable. Thanks, men who bear the burden of leadership well (and I have not followed well, but who have put up with me anyway). And thanks, men who may or may not be absolute tools, but whose jeans I like. ;)
*The “crazy girl” title refers to the title often assigned to females who feel/think/say things (a perhaps inexhaustible list) that are deemed silly to care about by the outside world. Namely: things about dudes.