When I try to sleep (it doesn’t come as easy for me as for others), I struggle to not wish/dream/picture that someone is holding me. Not because that’s a bad thing to desire, but because it’s not my reality. God’s best for my life does not include anyone to hold me at night (you get all “Jesus will hold you” right now and I will slap you. Got it? Okay). And I respect and love him and believe His best for me is THE best for me.
But I still want what I want.
Tonight, for whatever reason, I thought I’d try sleeping on the other side of my comfy queen bed, to see if the change helped me get to sleep. I have no idea if it was the bed, but what I got were the most terrifying nightmares of recent history.
I woke up and it was 12:54. Meaning a)I hadn’t been asleep long enough for so many nightmares to make sense and b) crap…there wasn’t anyone I could call.
I mean, whatever. People can’t be expected to think rationally at nearly 1 in the AM. I thankfully thought well enough to realize I had friends in other time zones. One was awake and chipper and talked to Gospeled me with “It doesn’t really matter what the nightmares were about (so un Freud) but whether or not you’re going to trust God to get you through them.”
it’s an hour later. If nothing else, I’ve been rehearsing for choir.
(who knows where this post went? me. I stayed awake by watching hulu and by 5 i decided to go work out. But I wrote this on March 1st and I have NEVER ventured back to that side of the bed.)