I hadn’t thought much about this until the great “are you dating Aaron? cause those pics on facebook are soooo cute” debacle of very early 2012, followed closely by the great “Oh my gosh what are people gleaning from my social media” re-evaluation of early 2012.
But i blog a LOT more about my male friends than I do about my female friends. Which is a bit counter-intuinitve as I want to guard against the mis-perception that people often get that either
a) i’m dating one of them or
b) i spend a significant amount of one-on-one time with different men.
Which, I don’t want people to think because
a) I don’t want to date any of my friends. If i did, i certainly wouldn’t pussyfoot around the issue. In all likelihood I’d blush on the inside, and run away muttering something about some obscure pop culture reference or quoting Shakespeare, but I would NOT be hanging out with them, nonchalantly. I’m not that smooth, pplfriends. PLUS, in the very wise words of my belle “Ritz, what if some handsome bearded man wanted to ask you on a date but he thought you were already dating Aaron?” GOOD POINT!
b) I don’t think it’s wise for single, even moderately attractive (that sounds silly, i mean someone you could EVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE find attractive) opposite-sex people to spend a significant amount of time in intimate or close settings, and for those who take me as an example (and some people do) i don’t want to give the impression that it’s a good idea.
So why do I blog the way I blog with dudes? Two answers:
First, because it’s really like 15 different male friends who I see maybe once a month to once a year each, so it SEEMS like a lot, but it’s not, so I blog about them because the time we spend is fun and usually has funny stories, which I always want to share because the world needs more consensual touch and more funny. (The consensual touch isn’t related to my dudefriends, i just strongly believe the world would run better if people had more good touch, and less bad.)
Second, it’s not really that I blog that much about my male friends, it’s that I DONT blog that much about my female friends. And in explanation, let me just throw us all under the bus:
I don’t blog much about my female friends, even though I have many more of them, and I spend MUCH more time with them than with dudes, because:
WOMEN GET JEALOUS.
I’m not being sexist. I mean whatever, if you really take the definition a certain way then, fine, I am. But what I’m saying is that when I blog about Dirty fixing my door, Facu doesn’t call me crying or mention how he fixes things on my car, too. When I post a pic with the Giraffe, Corby doesn’t text me about how he was at the party too. AND THEY (inasmuch as I’ve ever known) DON’T CARE. (if you’re new hear, Dirty, Facu, the Giraffe and Corby are all different male friends)
But my female friends do.
They will feel left out. They’ll struggle with feeling like they are not as important to me. They will wonder why they did not get mentioned, pics of US are not on the blog, etc.
It’s a common issue and I’ve had more than 5 close female friends mention how when they see traffic on other people’s social media, involving other friends and not them, they feel left out, lonely, and sad. Yes, literally.
But I didn’t realize I was accommodating for this until I realized how hard I was fighting (mostly internally, or via editing what I put out there) against people getting “the wrong idea” about me and my male friends.
(which, can we PLEASE cut ppl a break and let them just be or date or not date or figure it out or flirt or be attracted or be not attracted but still look cute together or just legitimately be friends uninterested in dating and maybe not tell every one in the world their exact intentions while they are figuring it out? no, we can’t? fine. we’ll kiss the whole she-bang goodbye. That’s not crazy. (that last sentence was srcsm))
Sooo…..that’s what I’m ruminating about right now.
And for the record, I’m nobody’s sancha. ;)