I really did mean “humbled”

as opposed to some other adjective.

 

Yesterday, amidst some rather beautiful and shocking and confusing and yummy circumstances (it was a busy morning) I tweeted what I NOW recognize to be a rather dramatic sounding tweet.

it was around the fourth “are you okay? i love you, i’m praying.” text that I thought, “permaybehaps I came off differently than i intended.”

 

Lemme ‘splain?

 

Basically it comes down to: I had to quit a job and add a class (and try to add a third) and now I have a dog (temporarily) and today I’ll be in school for 12 hours.

 

And my idea for the semester, to take one class in grad school and work my tail off in the massage world, turned into a full academic semester with not even the receptionist job I had to begin with. And it all happened, yes, in 30 minutes.

 

Which, let me also ‘splain why “humbled” was the best way for me to describe the situation:

 

because I had prayed about what to do with my summer and fall. I had spent time considering the most wise methods, had pursued and planned and done what was good. I had this whole thought process of why this was best and how it was all going to work out. I HAD A BUSINESS PLAN, people!! (thanks to an assignment at THAI, but still…)

 

And none of it was what God deemed best.

 

It’s humbling to know I can try very hard, and it can still not be even a little what God intends for me.

 

It reminds me how small, and finite, and not-good-at-things I am, even at my best, when compared with the (ironically incomparable) glory and goodness of God.

 

So I’m not upset. Or stressed, even though my brain did hurt cause the registration issue definitely took me over max capacity of thoughts to think in a given breakfast date (oh yeah, i had company over). I’m not mad or alllll that shocked at life taking turns I didn’t see coming. I’m not freaking out…

 

I’m just reminded of my place, safe and tucked away under his protection, and steadily traveling along the path he prepared in advance for me to travel in order to do the things he prepared in advance for me to do.

humbling.

 

So NOW, today and next Thursday, I have 12 hours of school.

 

Which, WHY am I blogging when I have 12 hours of school today? Well, because I’m probably going to work out during lunch (and eat in class) and because I felt the need to communicate the following:

 

I am SUPER tempted to scream across the interweb, “Look at me! Give me attention! My life is so complicated and I want you to know about it because I have idols and I serve them.”

 

Okay, that’s not how i’d word it, but it would be what I was saying. If I just-so-happened to tweet “getting ready for my 930-930 class schedule…” because, as established above, people read that stuff, and they care.

 

And I’m tempted to tell myself that life is hard and I need a chocolate and a glass of wine (which are fine things to have but not good if you’re trying to escape something) and woetome over this cluster.

 

So I prayed for an attitude adjustment. And here’s what I got.

 

Today I have 12 consecutive hours of school.

And here’s what that means:

 

It’s only 12 hours sort-of. I have a lunch hour AND a commute hour in there. So the day starts at 930 am and ends at 930 pm but i get two big breaks!

 

I can do this. Because I’m mega blessed in lots of tangible ways, like with a reliable car that can take me the places. and health that allows me to be up and working and learning that long. and the power and pattern of planning to know what I’ll need (see photo)

packing “lunch” (12 hours worth of nutrition, bebe)

 

That I have been given the gift of education in so many ways that others dream of and never get, and that I have in OBVIOUS FREAKING ABUNDANCE.

 

That God loves me too much to let me pursue a good dream when it’s not his best for me.

 

And lots of other really cool, really exciting things. :)

 

Any attitude adjustments for y’all, lately?

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One thought on “I really did mean “humbled”

  1. Pingback: MUJERES FOR THE WIN «

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