In a good way, my dear-friend-and-inspiration-and-who-i-want-to-be-like-when-i-grow-up (since she is one WHOLE month older than me) Corey Ann a.l.w.a.y.s. makes me think. She doesn’t always do it on purpose, she just…it’s who she is. She uses her words and she means them and I admire her for that.
On Monday, we went out for drinks for my birthday(sorta) and she was there. Which, re:birth-ness, may I also mention that
Friday- Surprise party of my dreams
Saturday – Dinner introducing David to some friends. Turns out I’m dating an introvert or something. What on earth?! He’s not as playful and loud with everyone as he is with me? Weirdo. (please know I’m joking about any part that sounds like judgement. trust. this man is deep deep down in my heart).
Sunday – “Birthday Date” with David…which…really was just a regular date and so I
pitched a little fit communicated that I was confused, and then we had this argument that neither of us REALLY understood, and then I thought for sure this was it, I’d pitched-too-hard-of-a-fit (just the lies I struggle with) but then
Monday – it got all better because Jesus is strong and works in mighty ways – including sickness ;) but then DRINKS!
Ahem. So. The drink/MC meeting/Birthday/seeing Corey Ann.
She asked how I was, “Feeling on top of everything? That’s what it seems like from your blog!”
And I thought….hmmm…. I always wonder what over-all feeling people are getting from my posts. Because no matter the effort put into them, they are always just a snapshot, really, of what’s going on. And I guess lately they’ve been positive? Makes sense, I’d categorize the Summer as a really busy, fun-packed time of healing and learning and love.
And I would also include that it’s been hard in different ways than usual.
One of the things I haven’t been talking about is how I feel called to talk about certain things. Like advocacy and awareness. Like survival of abuse and neglect. Like involvement of non-churched communities and tattoos and vaginas (well, at LEAST the Vagina Monologues) and words I’m not afraid to say but, in many ways, I’m hesitant to blog.
There are at least three people I think of when I blog and think “so-and-so is not going to like what I’m saying.”
and I think I may have to tell them that I’m going to start saying a lot of things they may not like….and that I hope they will love me anyway. But, it may affect those relationships.
Another thing I haven’t been talking about (so much as shallowly mentioning) is my current romantic relationship. It’s….. almost everything right now in the sense that the romantic part of my character is perhaps the least developed part and so I feel (and often act) like a relational 2-year-old. Don’t get me wrong, I love 2-year-olds, but they aren’t known for their emotional fortitude. In fact, I just realized, they are actually known for being terrible. Yep. Apt description at some times.
So, I hope I can do this. I hope I can open up and be real and somehow navigate a lot of mixed boundaries through roles in many areas and relationships that are starting, or growing, and (i hope not but) maybe going to be strained by the endeavor to which I’m called. To talk about more things.
sorry i didn’t include any pictures. They existed.