Conversations over Caldo

I called in sick today to work. an unusual but incredibly wise decision on my part, and thusly I am writing a blog post for the first time in weeks. I mean, I have lots of other things that need doing, but at this exact moment I can only manage to pitter about in the house and keep my brain on miniscule tasks, so I don’t want to be doing big bank changes via the interweb with only partial brain power, now do i?

 

no. i don’t.

plus you need an update.

 

School ended and I got an A and a CR (credit) for the two classes I was in. That’s as good as you can get so I’ll take it. Next semester stars January 14th but since I’m working full time, that feels like it’s just around the corner. Someone should tell me I need to stop taking on extra responsibilities when I’m in grad school and working full time. Or I should be a grown up and learn it myself. But since neither of those things happen, I’m a little pooped.

 

My missional community wrapped up and we are going in new directions. I am currently without an official MC in the way my Church (big C, like one specific proper noun, not little c, as in the church universal) describes it, but part of what I’m realizing that I am already “doing life” pretty regularly with others, and have really good accountability, so I’m rolling with that for now. I do have plans to pursue another group but that’s a little bit of a secret right now.

Work is pretty stellar.  I enjoy going every day and I’m continually blessed by all the new experiences. My co workers are all fun, and I’m seeing more clients than I expected, for sure. Like, a full week is 25 hours, I was expecting 5-10 for the first few months as I build a client base. I’m getting about 15-20. Except for this week, of course, since I called in sick. Sadly, as a contractor, we have no PTO or vacation, but I’m paying my bills and for sure won’t complain.

 

Homenovio and I are happy. Em asked my last night how we were and I said great. She said, “you usually have some crisis…” and it’s true. We fight all the time. Because I fight all the time. Tears, OH THE TEARS, but mostly it’s not about us, it’s about my big-ole-bag of daddy issues (i’m for sure gonna get a call about writing that) and his own insecurities sometimes. Other than that. we’re great. We laugh and we play and last week we threw a holiday party. (Either I need a bigger house or we need a smaller pool of friends but i don’t think either of those will happen either, so I’m working on maybe more ambiance in the back yard.) It is no longer sufficient to tell people we’ve been dating for “a minute and a half” and I know we are fast-approaching the time when people are going to ask where it’s going and when. So I’ll answer that here and now:

 

it’s going where it’s going and it’ll get there when it gets there. TRUST ME I WILL KEEP YOU INFORMED.

 

Mostly, though, right now, I am reveling in just how good we are for each other. It’s hard for me to see and admit how needy I am, how human, but each time I’m broken or fit-pitching or he does something wrong (cause, he’s strangely human as well, what with the mistake-making and all) we work through it and then we’re stronger, and more in love. And it’s crazy and beautiful and renewing and Lovey says she’s never seen me so happy. Which is even more crazy, because I think I’m generally a pretty happy person, most of the time.

 

God is good and right now I’m seeing that in more Bible reading and some ouchthathurtssogood community and accountability. He’s everywhere, and I see him, talk to him, talk about him, feel him, in all of those where’s. Because when I wander away from him you know what he does?

He follows.

 

Oh the wretchedness of seeing my depravity, and the far surpassing glory of seeing his holiness.

 

Advent, indeed. 

 

The caldo already smells good.  I am making caldo because it is chilly out and I am feeling bad. I’m using my mom’s old “dutch oven” (apparently that is what they are called, we just called them caldo pots) but I wish I had my grandmother’s. I can’t chop veggies (well, i can, but i wont) because finger wounds are the worst for massage therapists. So I’m going to go get homenovio because that’s what he’s doing during his lunch break, is coming over and chopping veggies so I won’t hurt myself. So really, I’m supervising the making of caldo. Cause white man can’t jump, or something. ;)  (I’ve never seen that movie. Is it appropriate to reference?)

 

I’m tired most of the time. Even with how good everything is, I’m just feeling more tired than I’m used to feeling, and have not yet adjusted to it. Guess you just can’t have this much life bursting from every corner without it running away with your energy.

 

Nothing dramatic happened but i deactivated facebook. The short story is I need to figure out, since I’m about to start seeing clients, what information I want “out there.” Facebook is always changing settings and it’s hard for me to keep up, and I know that as a professional, I don’t want things getting mixed up between home and work. So I turned the darn thing off while I think about it so I don’t feel rushed.

 

And with that, I’ve almost hit 1,000 words and I have not even given you any pictures. So sorry, loves.

 

Maybe i’ll give you some later.

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One thought on “Conversations over Caldo

  1. I had to google “caldo” but now I learned a new word, so thank you! I relate to what you said about being tired when life is so full of things, even good things, that there’s so little time to just “rest and be”. Which is when I usually get sick! I’ve noticed I need a lot less sleep when I’m happy. Maybe because the adrenalin of being giddy about something (someone?) gets me through the day and I don’t notice for weeks…actually, months now. And it supports what I’ve heard that when you’re depressed, you need more sleep. Either way, I keep striving for balance between happiness/energy and calm/solitude, but haven’t found that balance yet. It would nice to be happy without feeling wired and ready to crash at any time. Oh well, another thing to work on in 2013… And as the time is fast approaching, I hope you have an awesome Christmas season! Laura

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