My Bathroom Is China

“When I go to Sephora, I’m going to tell them I want one just like this!”

Michelle brandishes an eyelash curler high in the air, displaying the triumph of a woman who knows what she wants.


“Do you know where that one is from?” I ask, ignoring the dangling preposition and wondering why she’s not just taking it when she moves across the pond tomorrow.

“Your bathroom. Although…” she  squints her eyes and looks closely at the tool,”It says ‘China.'”

“Well then, my bathroom is China. That’s the only conclusion we can draw. Such did public school teach us.”*



WHICH REMINDS ME, did I ever tell you about the role of “China” in mine and bubby’s life?


My brother, growing up, understood that China was very far away and that when people went there, they could not come back for a while. He got this, very concretely, because that’s what we told him, and what he saw play out, when my father (who is not his father) went to China…


Which is what we told Spencer when my dad actually went to prison. (Which, whatever. Mail fraud. It’s a felony. Daddy’s still sweet and kind and lovely because he is loved, he just has some human moments like we all do and one of them sent him to prison.)


See, when he was 5, my brother was the subject of a custody battle between our shared mother and his father. And custody battle are ug-u-ly. So, in case you didn’t know, if you’re in a custody battle (i mean, they are even called BATTLES for the sake of holiness!) the opposing person will put EVERYTHING about you as a reason why you should lose. Running out of gas? Character flaw. Unfit to raise a human. Ex in prison? Clearly you only make the worst of decisions and will ruin a child’s life. That’s what custody battles turn in to. 


Sooooo….Bubby was wondering where “Daddy Tim” was (he used to come visit a few times a year) and why he hadn’t been around and could only call sometimes. 


So, we (mama) told him dad was in China. Not prison. Not prison IN China. Just China.


It wasn’t until 10 years later, when I let “When dad went to prison….” slip that my brother’s head snapped up, eyes opened wide, and he said:



Whoopsies. Guess that should’ve been clarified at some point. 


Ah well, as family secrets go, it could be worse. TRUST ME. ;)


*I am sooo grateful for the education my public schooling provided me. But, y’all. C’mon. Right? #a+B=mybathroomisChina

One thought on “My Bathroom Is China

  1. Pretty nice post. I just stumbled upon your blog and wished to say that I’ve truly enjoyed surfing around your blog posts. After all I will be subscribing to your feed and I hope you write again soon!

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