Scratch -n- Win

I’ve been sittin on this for a while because I just got done telling you how I didn’t care that much if people said I’m pretty, and because there is NO way that I can say this without at least SOMEone thinking, “Oh, is there something going on?” Well, no, pplfriends, like we’ve established based on all my previous full disclosure, I will tell you when something is going on. This is just some cuteness I wanted to share. Cause who doesn’t like cuteness? No one. (No one who likes me anyway. Ya see what I did there? :)

SO, the other day, I was putting on makeup before leaving for dinner with a friend, a hard headed goose who likes to complain about things. ;) So I said,

“Can i put on make up or are you going to yell at me?”

“Do you think you need make up?”

“No, I just want it.”

“Well I honestly think you’re prettier without makeup.”

(i totally miss the fact that he calls me pretty, even though we’ve known each other longer than some of my friend’s kids have been alive, and he’s never called me pretty. In fact he’s called me fat. So pretty’s pretty much the other end of the spectrum.)

“Can we compromise on mascara?” (why are we even having this fight? I’m so dumb, I should’ve just said, ‘sorry, i need a sec to finish getting ready.’)

“I mean, why?”

“WHY DO YOU HATE MAKEUP?!”

“I don’t hate make up. I just think girls who wear too much make up are like scratch-n-wins, sometimes you win and sometimes you don’t.” (and let me tell you, what I hear is “you wear too much make up and I’m comparing you to something cheap and chancey.”)

“Whatever, I’m putting on mascara because I like it and you can just wait, okay?”

At which point I finally realize he said I was prettier without makeup, which at least is CLOSE to a compliment, so I poke my head out of the bathroom and say,

“Thanks, I mean.”

But later we’re talking and he mentions the scratch-n-win thing again and I’m like “WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN, WEIRDO?!” Except I say that in my head. Out loud I say, “Uhm, I really am not sure I understand what you mean.”

“Well, you look pretty without make up.”

“So i don’t look pretty with make up?” (yeah, i’m this dense.)

“NO! I didn’t say that. I said you’re pretty without it. I told you, girls with too much make up (i ALMOST butt in to ask why he thinks I wear “too much” make up but I let him continue. Probably cause there is food in my mouth) are like scratch-n-wins. You win some you lose some. But you’re definitely a win.”

“…”

“…”

“So…are you saying that girls who look pretty with make up, you never know if they’ll look pretty without, but i look pretty either way, but you just prefer without make up?”

“Yes.”

“jeesh. okay. NOT what I got out of this conversation the first time. Thx, dude.”

“yeah.”

And that, that cuteness, typifies my life.

Go and be cute. And sin no more. Or whatev. ;)

Bags of Adventure

I don’t wake up in the morning feelin’ like P. Diddy*. I wake up and think, once again, “Gluten is NEVER worth it. And WHY do i insist on such awful sleeping patterns?” Then: I roll out of bed (yes, actually roll, cause I’m all tangled in my blankets)

Clean up, pack, plan my day

Bank

Outlet Mall

Class (where I am now…blogging and doing homework because I want to be respectful, but listening to this man talk has the same affect as telling me to be still….an extreme LACK of stillness)

Work

Hour-long meeting about new job (starts in two weeks)

Hour-Long meeting about current job (ends in six weeks)

Lingerie party (explains the outlet mall)

Karaoke

Dancing on Dirty Sixth because I love Tenaya.

Go home and sleep until 7am, to ramp up for tomorrow’s adventures, which will involve even more costume changes than today’s.

 

which is saying something.

 

part of today's survival kit. Not pictured: my backpack full of work & class activities.

 

Because what i’m wearing now will change at 5, again at 8, again at 11, and once more whenever I get home (hallelujah).

 

In other words, my life is always an adventure, never boring, and full of bags.

 

*I almost linked to that video. Then I saw the sidebar. KE$HA IS NOT SAFE ON YOUTUBE. thatisall

hares and hairs

I always do new, fun things when I hang out with La Familia.

I don’t think I ever tried to decorate a cupcake before this easter. Not too bad for a first attempt. (I made a stencil for the bunny out of paper. Turns out, paper stencils only work once on frosting. :)

 

or cutting hair. I do hair almost EVERY time I’m over there.

before side

after side...you can tell i still needed to blend in the top on the other side

and FREAKING OUT when the younger/bigger brother looks, in a photo, JUST EXACTLY LIKE Q

eeby jeebers, pplfriends. I hollered "OHMYGOSH Jacob DO NOT LOOK AT ME." (oh and I had NOT cut the right front at this point. This was supposed to be a photo of his gnarly sideburn)

and the cutting the itty borther’s hair the next morning.

plz essckuse the look. I don't know what compelled me to pair those tops. ew.

or dying seester’s hair!!

told ya, i spend a LOT of time on hair here.

 

of course, she helped me with mine, too! (thx, seester!)

Insomnia/Falling in the Toilet/I’m a Klingon

You see this face?

THIS face

THIS is the face of a girl who just fell in her dang toilet.

I’ve been talking lately about love. How the love songs I’m hearing and the engagment stories I get to be a part of and the weddings i go to and heck, even the friend’s-future-spouses I pray for just make my heart happy. But you know the point at which all this crap (and i totally say this with a smile on my face) gets old? The point at which your roommate’s fiance leaves the toilet seat up!

a girl's hiney oughta be SAFE in her own home!

I’M LOOKING AT YOU, CAPITÀN!

Oh, and you see this braid?

i like the natural poses

yeah, I finally learned how to do that little lauren conrad braid in a way that stays (i.e i’m not messing with my bangs all day). Except I scrunch up my forehead a lot. So I can’t tell if it’s totes adorbs…

alien look enhanced with hair down

or if I look like I’m half klingon.

he's so saucy.

oh my holy hottness, y'all. Try not to stumble.

so it’s equally likely i’ll wear one all the time or never again. Except for tomorrow. cause I don’t want to wash my hair.

anyway, i have to wake up for FOUR STRAIGHT HOURS of class in the morning, enbeedee. Just can’t sleep so it seemed like a good time for a photo shoot.

Omnipresent Accoutrements

I’m sitting in Starbucks enjoying free internet and home-brewed coffee (And not feeling guilty because I give them enough business;) while doing a little work (also known as scouring the interwebs for tchochke. lemme ‘splain.)

This summer, the kid’s program is doing another “Detective Academy” which is code for: we’re teaching the kids that God has all the answers, and gives us creation, the Holy Spirit, the Bible, and each other to help US understand the answers we need. Then, after that 4 week series, we’re going to teach the kids about the omnis:

omniscient
omnibenevolent
omnipresent
omnipotent

But we say things like “God is everywhere and always near.” And “God is in charge of everything!”

And, as providence would have it, I get to buy all the little doodads we’ll give out each week because a)it’s a helpful tool for getting the kids to connect the lesson to their lives and b)KIDS LOVE DOHICKEYS. (dohickies?! spellcheck?)

So, I’m getting like, judges gavels for “God is in charge” (omniscient/omnipotent) or magnifying glasses for the kids to explore how creation helps us understand the mysteries of God,

AND I CANNOT FIGURE OUT WHAT THING TO GIVE THEM TO HELP THEM UNDERSTAND “OMNIPRESENT.”

So i’m looking on the google and for lack of better ideas, search “omnipresent accoutrements“* and that got me to thinking of MY (almost)omnipresent accoutrements….all of which I of course have right now:

earbuds
funky rings
and coffee

i like to call this series "why didn't i bother to fix the lighting?"

oh yeah. and sunglasses. big, obnoxious ones. (hint: big girls with big accessories sometimes look like smaller girls. banking on that.;))

see that ring? Ariel's voice lives in that ring.

also, just for funsies, this is me sticking out my tongue. i know, you can't see it, but that's as far as it goes.

(smile clearly NOT omnipresent)

and now i’m just gonna go skip to church. happy sunday, y’all.

On Mondays You Expect a Post

and I’m not sure i’ll be able to write one, so for now, here’s a recap of my day that it’s entirely likely only I will care about.

Mel had hermit crabs at the apt. one crawled out of it’s shell and died. (a bit dramatic of a reaction, i know.) but she asked me to take them up to the high school for the middle school ministry to use (don’t ask) and i did. Except no one was there when i got there, so i left them on a table outside the room where they meet. Later, E, the dude working that site’s jr high event, tracks me down, throws his hands in the air, and shouts,

“DO YOU HAVE MY CRABS?!”

Apparently he hadn’t found them. My cell had a similar message from mel.

“Yes, woman. Eric got the crabs. And THIS is a ridiculous conversation.”

So there you have it. Eric has crabs and I’m probably 15 for thinking thats funny but whatever, I’m putting it all out there.

A cop made fun of my fedora. but a tall good looking man (albeit beardless) complimented me on it and then smiled at me a while, so i’m calling that a win.

I got to teach the lesson to five classes of preschoolers. I hooked em with the line, “BUT THEN, KING SAUL HAD TO GO POTTY!!” and doing a little potty dance. then we all practiced being little creepers. You know, like david, when he crept up to King Saul in the cave where he was pottying. Whatever. it worked and the kids all repeated the bottom line, “GOD HAS THE BEST PLAN FOR MY LIFE.” It just so happens that this morning, a potty dance was in that plan.

The lesson today was so great to hear. Like the one given from the stage. Not the one I taught. Geez, I’m not that vain out loud. And they are recording a live album at my church. I don’t know how I feel about it. I got used to hearing Chris Tomlin live and now I can’t stand his recorded stuff ’cause it’s like Taco Bell compared to gamma’s cooking. i can’t handle the processed, packaged version, no matter how good it is. (I mean, not that Taco Bell is good. Taco Bell is a result of the fall of man, ppl friends.)

in a situation on which i will elaborate later, maybe, I had to take a person aside and say “someone told me that you said something mean about me.” Yeah, i sounded just that much like a 5 yr old when it happened, to. But it turns out that it was a misunderstanding (like i said, elaboration later) and afterward I was able to concentrate on worship. God tell us how to do things for a reason.

During lunch, I did The Dancer’s hair and make up for a wedding. Not her wedding. But “You’re doing my hair when i get married, you know that, right. and you’re pretty much the maid of honor. So you’ll need to live with me the week of the wedding.” “You know, last two times I was pretty much the maid of honor, literally the exact same thing happened. So, yeah, i figured. ” ;)

I also went to a meeting where I had such bad breath that I asked the man leading to step away as I asked a question. He obliged. But he made faces at me. Actually, the faces were earlier. I told him he was imitating me wrong and he said, “Uhm, duh. I’m right. I can see you.” “Yeah, but I can see YOU, and you’re doing me wrong. It looks different with a beard.” “Everything looks different with a beard.” Couldn’t have said it truer myself.

The 5 was so crazy i literally don’t remember most of it. Good crazy, though. OH! I do remember that one little lovey was coloring and all of the sudden stopped, looked up, and said, “OH! And excuse me.” Apparently she’d ::ahem:: released some pent-up frustration. The kind that was making her tummy hurt. She was all smiles after that.

At the 7, I got to hold a screaming baby. Which may not sound like your cup of tea, but I prayed for the Holy Spirit to come and calm his heart, and every time he calmed down, I prayed out loud, “Let’s thank the Holy Spirit little baby, for giving us peace in our hearts.” And when he would cry ‘daddy, daddy,” I could say, “I know baby. But Jesus missed his daddy too sometimes. He understands your pain and he can comfort you.” Eventually he calmed down and we went upstairs (he kept asking to go….turns out he wanted to hear the music!! he “sang” along, too) where two men who have better things to do gave me mad props for being a super nanny. Yep, i’ll take it. I’ll take the compliment knowing full well it’s 100% the Holy Spirit, but I’m glad he chooses to work through me.

Plus the baby was ADORABUNS. Total chick magnet. And dude magnet. Better than a puppy.

Speaking of better than a puppy, I found a cute little baby opossum (seriously, he was cute!! like if someone made a stuffed animal of an opossum that didn’t really look like one but was a cute version of one, that would be the little baby i found). I tried to play with him by enticing him with left over chipotle on a fork. He was gonna go for it, but i was late and had to go. Poor thing. he’s probably sad he missed the chance to play with me.

then i drove home and blogged. cause im cool.

LOVE YOU!

Consider This Fair Warning

I once knew someone who sent an email like this to her friend’s boyfriend. You know…. far away, long ago. ;) (that’s sarcasm pplfriends. I sent it two hours ago) Names have been changed to protect the warned ;)

Hi Dude,

I love email. i love gmail particularly. I don’t mean that i like to receive stupid messages that have nothing to do with anything, i just mean that as a means of communication, gmail is probably my number one. Gchat, if the situation is friendly enough.
Anywho, I’m one of The Dancer’s closest friends. As such, I want to be a friend to you as well. I mean, homeboy, I’m going to hear about pretty much everything in the relationship, and I care more about The Dancer than I do about most people, and I care a lot about people. So I want to ask something of you, and it’s going to be awkward but I don’t care because I love her more than I care about being awkward and I will fight through wind, fire, and awkward to love her well.
So here’s what I’m asking. Please be kind to my friend. Please be patient with her. Please consider her above yourself and please follow the Matt Chandler advice: Don’t put your hands on her body without first having touched her heart.
I don’t say this as scolding, I say this because it is a deep wish that I have for her to be loved the way she deserves to be loved.
Now, you’re never going to do that, because you are not Jesus, but I want you to do your best. I want you to pursue her and romance her and surprise her and not take her for granted. I want her to be reminded through your service and even through the things you withhold (like too much touch, or time alone) how precious and delicate she is. She doesn’t know. You’ll have to teach her. You’ll have to teach her that she’s worth such effort and love and that she is fragile and lovely and amazing because other men have told her lies against these truths and if you want her to be yours, it’s your privilege and your duty to present her pure and holy some day, and part of that purity will be the purity of mind and heart of peace from her knowing who she really is.
thinking about this, i found the following article. http://www.raystedman.org/new-testament/ephesians/husbands-and-wives I liked it. Maybe you’ll like it. If not though, that’s okay. I didn’t read all  the words. the ones i did, though, i liked.
I copied her on this so she’ll know i emailed you. I’m helping keep her accountable to things by asking her about them. But i also want you to know that I care.
And that i will come down like a hurricane of holy rage if you’re not good to her. 
-r

Catch All Truths (that won’t get their own posts)

#21 is true. you can see my little blurb here or check out another (IMHO better) one from a boss here. 

#19 was true, of course! i talked about it here! (And for a reason i will not explain, thank you very much, well probably i will but not right now, I no longer think I might have the gift.)

#15 and #16, related, were true as well.  Seriously other than tweeting funny quotes, I had zero desire to facebook or tweet. Not blogging was a relief (and I believe, more about God’s gift to me than my sacrifice for him. That happens a lot) and I did still WRITE some, even when I didn’t post.  The unexpected part was that I LOVE to waste time (I didn’t realize this) perusing craft blogs. I need to limit myself to only certain times of the day for all social media because MOST of it, for me, is just a coping mechanism or time waster. I’m working on it.

#11 – yes, this ACTUALLY happened. And it was beautiful and wonderful. I love love love my classes. and classmates. and their deceased cats. (and i dont even like cats!)

#4 You thought this was false? Y’all are you crazy?! BRUCE WILLIS (or every character he plays except that one Disney movie) IS ALL THAT IS MAN. I just recently watched R.E.D. and oh mercy. If twice-divorced-and-currently-married-Bruce Willis walked  up and was anything like the characters he plays and asked me to come be part of his harem of wives/ex-wives i would…..well probably hyperventilate and faint and then wake up and swoon and repeat the process…which would keep me from what I’d want to do…which is ignore all the other wives and say “YES TAKE ME NOW!” (And yes, I do think so well of the way this man portrays himself that I get the giggles when I watch his movies. And no, my car is not named after him.)

here are pictures just for funsies.

from this year's ashes

i should've changed the lighting

just for funsies

i miss my long flowy hair

y'all, i don't even know why this picture happened

or this one. i think i was noting proportions.

Twenty Truths and a Lie

Have you ever played that game “Two Truths and a Lie?”

It’s a getting-to-know-you game that you play with people who haven’t heard your life story. You tell them two true things and one false thing and they guess which one is the falsie. (Oh mercy. Augmentation jokes running through my head!) 

Well since I’ve been off-line for 6.5 weeks, I decided I will tell you all about my adventures – but first I’m going to make a list of them and one will be an adventure that I did not have (although maybe one I want to) and it’s up to you to figure out which one did NOT happen. Then, once you’ve guessed, I’ll go through telling, or at least summarizing, the stories.

Yes, I’m going to purposely tell the truth but kinda stretch it to be funny and challenging on this list. BECAUSE IT’S A FUN GAME, PEOPLE FRIENDS!  I’ll clarify upon elaborations. Ready?

1) I got arrested and became (or realized I was) an accused felon.

2) I tuned into a mermaid.

3) Bruce (my car) denied me access to himself. Twice.

4) Bruce (Willis) just made me fall more in twitterpation.

5) With much alacrity (almost not sarcasm) decided to start selling my body for money.

6) A surprise trip to San Antonio with a boy turned into pretty pretty baked goods for me and the squeezies.  A surprise trip to Dallas turned into an awful fight.

7) A planned trip to Tennessee showed me my sin and how much I need a travel buddy.

8) I finally, not of my own choice,  gave up my lovey. 25 years was all the life he had in him.

9)  After hearing mean awful things from a mouth pledged to protect, I saw myself the way God did.

10) I signed up for my first counseling conference. I’ll go w a woman called dust and a man named after a gun.

11) Oh and speaking of counseling,  last week in class, we had a memorial service for a cat. We all sat and mourned a cat we never met.

12) I finally started the process to get official on the dyslexia diagnosis.

13) coincidentally? I started going blind.

14) And deaf.

15)  Being away from posting social media was not hard.

16) Admitting that I metaphorically run to reading other’s social media posts was. So I started cutting myself off from google reader. Or, I thought about it at least.

17) Broke from lawyer fees and stressed for time, I decided to buy and re purpose patio furniture. #logic

18) Starting LTG with two amazing ladies showed me that I have THE best friends. But no best friend. It also made me realize that $50 is not always too much to spend on dinner.

19) I considered that I might have the gift. You know. THE gift. ;)

adorabuns. can't we all just get along?

20)I started, went through, and ended a relationship mostly kept from those around me.

21) I spent my favorite day of the year with a few thousand of my closest relatives.

And there you have it, peoplefriends. So what’s you’re best guess? Leave comments below and I’ll make cookies or something for the first person who correctly guesses.