Someone(thing) keeps stealing my dang words.
IT occurs to me what a different statement that would be if someone (thing) were steeling them. hmm.
I have thoughts and develop them and want to write them out. There are a lot of very good things keeping me from being able to do thats .
Busyness is not stranger to me. Work and school are like home, both because I spend a lot of time there and because I feel comfortable, good, secure in those settings. But in the path I’ve been down lately, there hasn’t been a lot of time for ruminating on individual thoughts. For putting them down and crossing them out and highlighting and regurgitating and chewing on again, which maybe sounds gross but is also how a lot of creatures best process the things they take in. I am a human but sometimes I am like a cow in many ways. We all are. (yes. sometimes you are like a cow. it’s complex and complimentary and confusing and appalling and no synnonym for appalling starts with “c”. sorry.)
In my busyness of life right now, there are moments and miles and memory-making, but little of the wondering and pondering I quite love.
So it is that my words are not here. I don’t know where they are. I know I’ve had them, things to say and share and leave for you eyes to travel over, for your hearts to respond to. I’ve had words but not put them on paper or interweb or even said them to another human so that my iron edges may be sharpened. I am becoming dull.
Fabs is a person with thoughts and feelings. I wanted to introduce her like “Fabs is amazing.” or “Fabs is the bee’s kness.” and I think both of those things are probably true (you know how i am with idioms) but they aren’t helpful in letting you why I’m participating in something she suggested. Fabs is a friend of mine. Depending on how you define friend. Sometimes I question if statuses change and do life stages in friendship, or if like family, your cousin stays your cousin no matter how long it’s been. (Trust me. I have cousins. There is no statue of limitations on this.) So, this person, named Fabs, has a blog. On said blog, she posted an opportunity for success. (That’s what i like to call these things. Reframe, ppl.)
Since she writes about thoughts, feelings, her thoughts about her feelings, etc, this all makes some semblance of sense in my head.
But not completely. Because, the one(thing) has been an unrepentant little thief. And with my words gone, I have little for this particular medium. I haven’t been taking many pictures, either. (it’s been maybe a month since I took a picture with David. #whereismymind)
In the absence of words, there is still ache. Ache that knows that these times are good while the days are still evil. Ache to run and jump and play, though i really need some sleep. Ache that accepts and welcomes my current life stage, and wonders what else to hope for.
Ache that wants to sit and talk about my First Love. Like last night, when I stayed up two extra hours, talking with good friends. Friends with whom you let your shield down, and then, disagree over what a shield is ;). Ache that reminds me that even when I have no words,
i am still alive.